To borrow a Deep Purple album title for my own, Now what indeed. It’s an apt question for when you reach what feels like the end of a journey or quest. In this case it’s to do with my transition. It’s something I’ve thought about occasionally just lately.
I mean, I’ve got no more dates or appointments to look forward to, I’m pretty damn happy with how things are now and I have no desire to pursue any thing else beyond what I’ve gone and done and that screaming voice that was dysphoria these days is now a whisper that comes in from time to time.
It’s three years since I got approval for and went onto HRT and it’s six months since I had surgery. Even now I’m seeing and noticing subtle changes because of the HRT, which is now working better now it’s not having to fight a boatload of testosterone. It’s kinda amazing how much time has passed. Some days it feels like forever since I went to hospital, yet other days it’s like it happened five minutes ago.
On the surgical front things are continuing to heal up nicely. Only having to dilate once a day is nice as it’s now not influencing how I plan stuff in the day and pretty soon I won’t have to do that every day. Everything seems to work well enough, though I still have a numb area where my right leg meets my groin. That might change, that might not. All things considered I’m quite happy with things and know I’ve had a pretty good result.
I’m now back at work too, having made a phased return and got back to full time a month ago. I seem to be doing well there, albeit I’m now on a different department that isn’t so demanding on my body. I still need to take care on that front because I’m aware there’s still the possibility of damaging things if I push myself too hard.
That all being said, I’m not entirely done with all the logistics and whatnot that come with transitioning. Rebecca is still on her journey and I’m doing what I can to help support her through things.
Beyond this, we get back to the question of “What now?” I know it’s a question a lot of people ask at this point. I know some people decide to go stealth and pretty much disavow them self from anything trans related. Others keep blazing on, taking up or continuing to be an activist for change for us as there’s a still a long way to go until we have equality in society. Some people just want to quietly get on with their life.
As for me, I’m very much in the latter camp. I’m not cut out to be much of an activist though I will continue to quietly go about highlighting stuff that’s wrong. I feel the best thing I can do is what I’ve always done: Get on with life and show society I’m just another person, getting on with life and who just happens to be trans. We’re really not that scary or interesting. I get up, go to work, share a nice little space with my beautiful Rebecca and we go and go out places together. I play games, I do gaming streams and I love my sci-fi and anime.
That aside, I’ll always be here for anyone seeking advice on stuff. I’ve never been one to shy away from answering questions, as long as they’re sensible, and not just pervy men asking me what’s in my pants, as we so often get on Twitter. Believe me, I get quite a lot of dumb messages from people like that.
So anyway, until next time, or whenever something interesting comes up to write about, here’s a girl who’s much happier in her shell, signing off for now.