Well this year has been a year of firsts. I could do a lengthy list of all the things I’ve done for the first time as myself and now I can add Christmas to that list.
Truth be told I’ve been in two minds this year, hugely excited as it’s the first one as me and dreading it as its the first one without dad and in the build up I’ve been an emotional mess, aided and abetted by the hrt reaching the point where it had a profound effect on how I handle moods and emotions, which on the one hand is great because it’s had a positive effect on so many things I enjoy doing, while on the downside there’s been several days where I’ve had rather disturbing dreams which have set me up for some grim days.
Anyway Christmas comes and for the first time I’m not up and eager to go at 4am. I’m awake but mainly because of memories and dreams I’ve had during the night which means my first hour is spent writing things down to get them out of my head. I eventually wake Richard as I have a 12-4 shift at work (another first) and we start opening our stocking fillers. Cue the first set of tears, though for happy reasons. Unwrapping some lovely health and beauty things hubbie has got me, reading gift tags that have ‘wife’ written on them. I felt extremely happy and overwhelmed, which usually means bursting into tears.
After regaining my composure we get ourselves ready and get Richard’s mum round and do our usual morning thing of opening our main presents together, which included a butterfly jewellery box (pictured) and some new hair straighteners. I also got a manicure set, photo album, various things to pamper and spoil myself with, oh and a wireless mouse for the laptop. So far, so good.
Work came about and due to having planned going to my mum’s as soon as I done I asked Richard to drop me off so when I was done he could pick me up and get going. Because I’m not coming in on my scooter I decide upon another first and wear a dress to work. Work is fairly quiet, save for supporting the one resident who didn’t go home for Christmas to go to the pub. This largely meant an hour being misgendered and dead named in spite of my co-worker using my chosen name and pronouns because he can’t get his head around my changes and transition. Not fun, and not much I can do about this.
4pm came and we make good time to my mum’s and get down to exchanging and opening yet more presents. More stuff to pamper myself with, lots to drink, Dr Who bits, a lovely necklace, girly mug and a professional photoshoot session for mum which I’ll do at some point next year.
Because of not getting down till near 5pm dinner was done long ago but mum had left a plate for us both to heat up so we got our usual scrummy Xmas meal that only mum seems to be able to do. I’m missing dad like hell, but I’m putting a brave face on and to be fair I’m really enjoying things because of everything being different. Mum and sisters loved their pressies, my oldest sister said my gifts seem to have a lot of thought behind them this year, not least because she got bits I knew full well she’d want for her new house and little sis said I was a lot easier to buy for since I came out. All this was going on but I had a keen eye on the clock because I planned to phone a special woman at six, someone who I’ve yet to meet in person but has been so helpful and supportive with my transition and other things going on, and is a wonderfully kind and caring woman.
That would be Rebecca, and at 6 I heard her voice for the first time, so soothing, gentle and relaxing. We spent about 2 hours chatting away about all sorts, dreams, experiences revolving around transition and our lives beforehand, well she did most of the chatting and I did the listening as I tend to listen and say little, unless it’s important (one of my quirks). It was a wonderful end to the evening, even if the phone decided to muck around and cut me off twice and I can’t say enough kind words about someone who I consider to be my third sister. Eventually we finish things (she had stuff to do and my family were sending out search and rescue teams for me) and I do the typical girl thing and tuck my phone in my bra, which then caused the phone to call her back. I’ve drunk dialled, butt dialled, dropped the phone on the floor dialled, but I’ve never boob dialled anyone until now haha. One more first in a long line of firsts for this year.
Boxing day has been a quiet affair, mostly relaxing, supporting mum first thing as we were both thinking about dad and getting stuff ready for dinner later, oh and a bit of online shopping. All quiet, well until 3pm when the kids came round and opened their presents we bought down. We didn’t see them this year on Christmas day as they were with their dad by the time we could get down and I have zero desire to see him after recent events.
Dinner was the usual affair, lots of fun, jokes and eating far too much, along with crackers, which were nice aside from getting a cracker which really didn’t want to do, resulting in my hand shooting back and punching my boob (Ouch!). Now we’re all doing that lazing around after eating way too much thing.